This post is dedicated to my dear friend, WildCard. Now for all our readers out there, I am sure after reading a few of his post it is more than blatantly obvious that he is a adamant New England Patriots fan. The offseason owner’s lockout has resulted in a very short free agency period. WildCard has spent the last few days masturbating over ESPN reporting on the Patriot’s recent acquisitions. However, I am here, representing the rest of the world who despise the Patriots, to shed some light on WildCard’s, and all other Pat fans’, misplaced megalomania and the reality of the Patriot’s annual signing traditions.
This is a story that’s going around here in DC where FC Barcelona tried to practice on the Washington Mall and got kicked out. Umm good luck on that one soccer players. You think you can just come in here and flop and dive all over our National Monument? This is America and we don’t need you defacing our national symbols with that pussy shit. Hope back into the mini van and take your Capri Sun and orange slices somewhere else. I guess Barcelona is supposed to be important or something, but maybe if anybody here knew who the hell they were they would’ve been allowed to prance around and kick their balls around the field. The funny thing is I play softball on the fields around the Monument every Tuesday along with countless other advocacy groups and DC workers. So basically here in America Beer League softball gets preference over (supposedly) the best and most recognizable soccer players in the world. Yeah, that sounds about right.
Day 3 of NFL free agency and already it has been one of the craziest days of signings that I can remember, especially for the premier franchise in the league. It looks like today is the day that the New England Patriots either guaranteed a Super Bowl win or became the NFL Team Most Likely to Lead the League in Number of Shrinks on Payroll. The day Bill Belichick cemented his legacy as the NFL’s Jedi Grand Master or the day the Dark Side got the best of him. I’ll tell you right now that though I was skeptical as hell at first, there’s a reason why the mantra in New England is In Belichick We Trust.
Since its been like 3 weeks since the trial ended and this blog’s primary viewership is still people obsessively googling Casey Anthony, I’m gonna throw our viewers a bone with another post about America’s favorite baby killer. A friend introduced me to this guy Dom Mazzeti the other night and I can’t believe I didn’t know of his existence until now. Dude is youtube comedy gold, for my money just as funny as Bobby Bottleservice that everyone here at SInceNam loves. And to top it off he looks like a less douchey version of the Situation. This bros got like 25 other videos taking on topics like Dubstep, Guidos, White Rappers, and Hipsters and after seeing this I sat and watched all of his other vids in secession. Some are definitely funnier than others but he’s got easily 3-4 quotables in every video, if you have 45 minutes to kill (and I know most of you do, that’s why you’re here) I highly recommend watching them all. He even throws in a reference to the crazy nastyass Honeybadger and you already know how I feel about Honeybadgers.
“P.S., I’m not sending you a Google+ invite” was the best closing punchline since Nam
I saw these two video recently and it got me thinking of doing a racism showdown. Some of you will recognize the video of the girl from barstool but I don’t think anyone will have seen the other one. Without further ado here are the two videos.
Racist Girl (sorry for the link but the video got taken off of youtube so I couldn’t embed it)
So which video is more racist?
I know the easy answer is the girl. According to her there is an epidemic of black people camouflaging into the night and stealing all the chicken. Now I guess that theory completely ignores the fact that black people still have white eyes but that’s just a minor detail. Also apparently there are plenty of other things wrong with black people that she just didn’t mention. But let’s not forget that at the end she claims that she is not racist, she just doesn’t like black people. That’s like Mel Gibson saying he’s not anti-semmetic. What does she even mean by that comment? Are her best friends Ling Ling, Guadalupe, and Sacajawea Hides With Bears but she just doesn’t get down with Courtney. No honey I hate to tell you but despite what you think you are most definitely racist. Now get off the internet and go back to your small hick town and talk about how the Confederacy won the Civil War and you will be seceding any minute now.
All that being said I’m gonna go with the field trip as the more racist video. First off no homo but that dude tells a great story. Seriously, Mike needs to take some lessons from this guy on how to tell a story. The reason I think this video is more racist is because what the fuck kind of school with mostly black students in Alabama plans a field trip to a cotton field to pick cotton? Seriously did the administration not think about the possible repercussions of this decision? Do you not have to have any knowledge of American history to be a teacher? That’s the only explanation of how you could think this is alright. Yeah the girl was super racist but this video is more racist because it involves a group of people either being completely naive about their field trip choice or them understanding the racism of their choice and still choosing to take a group of black students to a cotton field. Straight racist.
You know what are awesome? bubbles. Yes i am seriously talking about bubbles you blow from soapy water. Lets be real here, ever since you were little, you have had an innate fascination with bubbles. I think when guys get older, we are more afraid to admit our inherent love for bubbles because we are afraid to be perceived as “gay”. You know who also likes bubbles? Bitches, bitches love bubbles. But do you know what is more awesome than bubbles? Really big bubbles.
Now i have an idea, why not turn the natural female curiosity of bubbles to your advantage? This is my theory: if you can figure out how to be as awesome as this old man and make really big bubbles, you can bang 1 in every 3 girls you make these bubbles for. I don’t mean be nice to them, spend money on them, etc. I mean straight up take them to the park, make some big ass bubbles for them, and then get laid. I call it the 1-2-3 bubble plan. Give it a shot.
I’m not exaggerating when I say this picture is one of the most mind-blowing things I’ve ever seen. At first I thought it was photoshopped that’s how shocked I was at this revelation. Kevin Durant has tattoos? And he conveniently got them precisely in the shape of an NBA jersey? But wait, KEVIN DURANT has tattoos??? I always thought of him as a soft-spoken, backpack-weaing white guy in a 6’9″ African-American baller’s body. But I guess that’s what he wants you to think, evidenced by the fact that he’s squeezing a body’s worth of tats into the area from his stomach to his nips. I ain’t mad though, if anything this makes him even more of a badass. KD: arms like Ray Allen, body like Wiz Khalifa.
J.T and Jimmy Fallon are back again with round 2 of their incredibly entertaining history of rap skit. Who would’ve thought two white guys could represent the history of rap music so well? I’ll admit I cannot stand Jimmy Fallon and he’s probably one of my least favorite comedians as I’ve never been able to forgive him for the way that he raped all things sacred about being a Red Sox fan with his Fever Pitch movie (did I mention he was a Yankees fan up until about a month before the movie came out?) but he does a surprisingly nice job on this bit. He’s funny and not nearly as awkward as one would expect. And of course Justin Timberlake kills it because he’s Justin Fucking Timberlake, continuing his meteoric rise up the celebrity badass list. Look out Pitt and Clooney. Remember when Justin Timberlake was famous for being the head of a boyband? Yeah, neither do I.
So this is an old video but it is one of my all-time favorites and I’m not sure if many people have seen it. First off I want to know what kind of kids get together and decide you know what would be really fun, let’s roll around in our 1992 Impala and knock kids off of their bikes? Seriously, how fucked up do you have to be for that to really get you hard?
Let me set the stage of how I see this video. Based on the grunge rock flow of the victim and the driver I’m gonna say this took place in Seattle and Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” is playing on the tape deck because that’s how these bros roll.
Anyway, as if this kid’s not retarded enough trying to knock another kid off a bicycle, he doesn’t even think to check for oncoming traffic. Smooth move slick. Now let’s get to the good part. How about the perfect timing on this video. We get straight face to bumper contact that you usually have to pay for. I think this guy will think twice next time he wants to fuck with somebody on a bike. In the meantime he can enjoy eating food through a straw and not having a face while head banging to some P.O.D.
P.S. For the guy in the back was the phone call from your mom telling you dinner was ready really important enough to answer while your friend gets his brain splattered around the cul de sac? “I’ll call you back something serious just happened” yeah no shit Sherlock. Maybe you shouldn’t answer the phone and save your Shakespearean play by play for later.
So Rebecca Black is back with another song and music video. Wait, do you hear that? It sounds like Rebecca Black continuing to dig her own grave. I can’t believe she is still trying to make serious music. I mean after the shit storm that followed Friday how can she not realize that she’s the least talented singer to become famous since William Hung . She should have kept playing into the niche of hilariously bad songs and basically become a comedian but instead she came out with this gem. This song just once again shows that she can sing about as well as a howler monkey and she has the lyricism of a 3 year old. Just give up Rebecca and stop humiliating yourself. It’s not even entertaining anymore. Pretty soon she’s going to fade away like every other person who should never have been famous in the first place (I’m looking at you Paris Hilton).
SINCE NAM 